CDC Warning

Gonorrhea Lectim:



The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'im."

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum.



Many victims contracted it in 2008 ....... but now most people after having been infected for the
past 1-2 years are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is. It's sad because it is so
easily cured with a new procedure just coming on the market called Vo-tem-out! You take the
first dose/step in 2010 and the second dosage in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior again, otherwise it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.



Several states are already on top of this like Virginia and New Jersey, and apparently now Massachusetts with many more seeing the writing on the wall.

Friday Funny

Stimulus

Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment.
is a very exciting new program.
I will explain it using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
If you buy a car, it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
A. Spending it at yard sales
B. Going to ball games
C. Spending it on prostitutes
D. Spending it on Beer
E. Spending it on Tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US.) I'm going to go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that I met at a yard sale and we're going to drink beer all day! FUN TIMES!