Week 26 Chemo

Kris and her younger sister Tricia who is the artist of week #26 Chemo Buddy.

We will know on Wednesday if the new treatment has done anything more for her than make her bald.

Chemo Buddies and a decision.

Add caption

3 promises    how does one get excited about a new option when it is called a cytotoxic? Abraxane is it's name. I'm having a difficult time wrapping my head around the idea that when the first choice of treatment fails there is hope in the second choice. And then hope in a third choice.

Knowing so many people are praying for me helps. Knowing that you are praying for specific things helps even more. Wednesday is chemo day. I hate chemo and I'm sure it hates me. Knowing that you pray for chemo to pass through God's hands before it enters my body is of great comfort to me.

I feel numb today. I feel lost. I feel like throwing a tantrum, screaming of the great injustice. I won't. I will sit here quietly and think about 3 promises.

#1)   I,Joe, take you Kris, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.

#2)  Romans 8:37-39

No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 #3) I will fight.

I will sit here and think of those three promises. I am not lost. I am found. I am comforted.

Chemo Buddies.

Today they told her the Chemo is not working.

In Remembrance of Roe V Wade

Chemo Buddies.

In no particular order.  I like to think it is helping.  She was able to go on a trip with her husband this week.  He was going for schooling in his job and she accompanied him.  Her sister went with them so she would not be alone during the day.
I praise God for every day he gives to us.  Life is so precious.

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened .

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100..00.

When The postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, 
they decided to send it to President Obama.

Obama was so amused that he 
instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill.

He thought this would appear to 
be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted 
with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note 
to God, which read:

Dear God:

Thank you very much for sending the money.However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through

Washington, D.C. and those 
assholes took $95.

Kris's thoughts on Chemo #11

I don"t  know where to begin with #11. # 10 went well, I rebounded quickly and felt okay for the most part. Then had surgery, which has proved to be a good decision, as I am able to sleep laying in my bed, all night, most nights.( I really missed my bed for those 5 months...) I cough less now but it seems to hurt more when I do. I don't even want to think about sneezing!

I thought it would be a walk in the park. For now, I am no longer taking the oral chemo xeloda. I had a bone supplement and 2 IV chemos called methotrexate and navelbine. #11 KICKED MY REAR! I slept for 3 days, and spent much of my nights in tears because my bones hurt so badly. The pain in my spine was intense to say the least. 

My mind can go to some dark places if I let it. Often times it is at night. I think about death. I think about the things I know I'm going to miss in my boy's lives. Graduations, girlfriends, weddings, grandchildren. I think about Joe and the promise I made to him so many years ago to grow old together. 

One night I said it out loud, almost angry: "I don't get to feel good again, do I?" I think God was waiting for me to ask because he gave me this: From my son Brandyn's FB page I read Psalm 16:9-11. I love the whole chapter.

Psalm 16

 1 Keep me safe, my God, 

   for in you I take refuge.

 2 I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord; 

   apart from you I have no good thing.” 

3 I say of the holy people who are in the land, 

   “They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.” 

4 Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more. 

   I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods 

   or take up their names on my lips.

 5 LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; 

   you make my lot secure. 

6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; 

   surely I have a delightful inheritance. 

7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; 

   even at night my heart instructs me. 

8 I keep my eyes always on the LORD. 

   With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

 9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; 

   my body also will rest secure, 

10 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, 

   nor will you let your faithful one see decay. 

11 You make known to me the path of life; 

   you will fill me with joy in your presence, 

   with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

I don't know if I will ever feel healthy again while I am on this earth. I do know that I feel loved and cared for. I do know that my good days are not gone. In fact this week Monday and Tuesday were good days. I had coughing and pain throughout the days but I also had fun, laughter and indescibable joy in my heart.