I went to my post op appointment this morning Dr. Johnson my oncologist is pleased with the results of my surgery. He says there is some scarring in my right lung but that was to be expected. My right breast hurts and below it is numb, he says it's probable that nerves were damaged by the incisions and they will eventually heal. I weigh less today than I did when I was 16. Seriously, skinny is highly over rated and quite uncomfortable....He says to eat more and start walking as much as I can. He is very happy with the results of chemotherapy and wants to start up again the week after Thanksgiving. Maybe changing it up a little to improve my response to it. He said we have alot of options and can change the medications for optimal response for a long time. I asked how long he thought a long time was. He said 2-3 years. It was a glimmer of hope for me, not long ago we thought my time was up. Alot can change in 2-3 years. I'll take that.
So much has changed in the past 5 months. Relationships have started to heal, new friendships have been made. I am reminded each day that I am nothing, Everything that I have prided myself on is gone. I have no energy to do the things that I want to do, the things that show off my talents, the things that make me, me. I am everything. God loves me so much that he sent His only Son to take my sins away from me so that I can be near to Him. When I am healthy, I do things with my own power. When I am ill I have to ask for the strength to make it through the day, sometimes accomplishing little more than showering and dressing myself. When I am weak He is strong. When I am weak, He is waiting for me to call out to Him so he can carry me. When I am weak He shows Himself to me. When I am weak I am willing to see that He loves me and is with me every step of the way.