Lots of reasons. No computer, busy, did not feel like blogging. Take your pick. But tonight, I have an update on my Kris. It is not a happy one and I am asking those of you who may read this to please continue to hold her up in prayer.
I'm a wreck. Two months off of chemo was supposed to be the best vacation ever! It was so nice the first couple of weeks not to feel nauseous. Joe has had most of that time off of work. We kept busy, going from one project or adventure to another. Camping, street fairs, motorcycle riding, Silverwood, zip lining, car shows, swap meets, garage sales. Driving lil' green, boating/fishing/napping, yard work. We were very busy. We had a great time and there are so many pictures to prove it......
The down times have been hard. Really hard. My body is almost always in excruciating pain. Pain management thus far has been a huge failure. Mostly because I have refused to take the drugs that are supposed to keep the pain in check. I do not like what they do to me. I do not like to sit in a zombie state. I feel like a gooey blob stoned stupid. I do not like it.
1 week later....
My pain had become to much to bare. Had a chat with my Dr. and we agreed it was past time to increase my meds. I spent the entire week in a drugged stupor, crying my eyes out, studdering, shaking, sleeping and still in pain. I'm coming around though. Today I got out of bed, showered and ready for a productive day. Maybe tomorrow I can do all of that and then something productive.
Tuesday I go to see the Dr. and get results from my last bone and cat scans.
Please pray for my attitude. It's bad. While much of what I feel is justifiable it is not the attitude I want. I know that God is in control and ulitmately I want to see Him glorified through this dreaded disease; I just wish it was all not so tough to deal with.
Frequently I get wrong number texts. Today I got one that said, "Hey, Where do you get waxed? I know u told me at one time, just can't remember and how much do they charge?" My reply via picture message: "HARRISON ONCOLOGY. I would not recommend it. Oh, and I think you have the wrong #." I know, bad. But I could not help myself and it made me laugh all day!
Response to chemotherapy treatments are positive. There is noticeable shrinkage in many nodules. My oncologist's recommendation is to continue with the current cocktail after a two week break.
This is good news, right?
There is no cure for this cancer, chemo is just buying time. I have not felt good at all this week. It is taking longer and longer to recover from treatment. Is this time worth the price? I don't know. If I feel better during my two week break, why would I go back? I don't know. Is more time better than good time? I don't know.
3 promises how does one get excited about a new option when it is called a cytotoxic? Abraxane is it's name. I'm having a difficult time wrapping my head around the idea that when the first choice of treatment fails there is hope in the second choice. And then hope in a third choice.
Knowing so many people are praying for me helps. Knowing that you are praying for specific things helps even more. Wednesday is chemo day. I hate chemo and I'm sure it hates me. Knowing that you pray for chemo to pass through God's hands before it enters my body is of great comfort to me.
I feel numb today. I feel lost. I feel like throwing a tantrum, screaming of the great injustice. I won't. I will sit here quietly and think about 3 promises.
#1) I,Joe, take you Kris, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.
#2) Romans 8:37-39
No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
#3) I will fight.
I will sit here and think of those three promises. I am not lost. I am found. I am comforted.
In no particular order. I like to think it is helping. She was able to go on a trip with her husband this week. He was going for schooling in his job and she accompanied him. Her sister went with them so she would not be alone during the day.
I praise God for every day he gives to us. Life is so precious.
I am a Right-Wing-Nut-Christian-Conservative,clinging to my religion and my guns. Living on the Left Coast. I value family and the sanctity of life.
I love Disneyland and go there, on a regular basis, to play with my grandchildren.
On January 9, 2013 I received my second membership in a club I never wanted membership in to begin with. I am now a mother awaiting reunion with two of my children in Heaven. Kris left us on January 9 and our preborn baby Jeffery Matthew went to heaven in 1971. I know I still have work to do here but I am anxiously awaiting our reunion in heaven.